I Am Not Supermom

I was very fortunate to have a nice Mother’s Day. My own mother visited with my dad for the weekend, and we had a great time. My husband and I took my parents out to a very special Japanese restaurant on Saturday night for sushi, teriyaki chicken, and shrimp tempura.

My children all remembered the day with cards and gifts. I asked my teenagers to write me a poem, and each of them created a true masterpiece! I consider myself truly blessed.

But, for other women, Mother’s Day is a holiday to dread. Our pastor reminded us of that fact at our Sunday morning service. Mothers, for instance, who have lost a child often mourn on this day. I know this to be true as my friend Dawn lost her wonderful and talented son Jason four years ago in a helicopter crash in Afghanistan.

Understandably, she still mourns him terribly and is reminded of this loss even more deeply on Mother’s Day as there are no cards or gifts from her son. Other moms have lost their children, not through death, but to drugs, or distance, or a fractured relationship of some kind. They, too, mourn the loss of their child’s companionship.

And we can’t forget those—men and women—who are spending their first Mother’s Day without their own mothers. This day can be a sharp reminder to them that they’ll never enjoy their mother’s love and support again.

When our pastor asked for "joys and concerns" that morning, one woman stood up and thanked the birth mothers of her two adopted sons, women who were courageous enough to give birth to their babies and make sure they were placed in a loving home. This woman was so grateful to have been given the opportunity to become a mom.

But that reminded me of another group of women who are sad on Mother’s Day—those who are spending another year not having the children that they so desperately want, whether it’s due to infertility, miscarriage, or just not being at the stage of their lives that they had hoped to be.

So, if you had a happy Mother’s Day, as I did, count your blessings—and count them again. Then pray that those women who didn’t have such a great day will find happiness and comfort in the coming year.

If you’re like me, you frequently enter a room to retrieve something and forget what you wanted. Or you spy someone you know in the grocery store but can’t for the life of you remember her name. Or perhaps you emerge from the store to find that you can’t remember where you parked your car. If you find this happening to you more frequently, you’re not alone. Being a parent is certainly a stressor and a sleep-depriver, which can play havoc with your brain.

But, sorry to say, this also goes with the territory when you enter middle age. Scientists aren’t sure why—perhaps we begin to lose brain cells, or our brain cells just don’t communicate as well as they used to—but chances are slim that you’re suffering from Alzheimer’s, as you’ve probably feared. It’s most likely caused by age and stress. And parents are masters at multitasking, which tends to clutter the brain. That’s why it’s helpful to keep a very accurate calendar and a to-do list (if you could only remember to check it . . . after you find it!).

At my house, I instruct my kids to write any food they use up on the grocery list posted on the refrigerator because I know I’m not going to remember when one of them says, "Mom, we’re out of milk!" And I keep a calendar in the drawer that I check several times a day on which I’ve written every single activity I must attend, even if it’s a regular event.

And keep a notepad in your purse in case you remember something while you’re out and about that you need to do later. Some people even leave themselves messages on their cell phone or carry a small voice recorder. When you write things down, you won’t be stressed about forgetting them. (Of course, if your memory loss seems to get worse with time and even list-making doesn’t seem to help, please see your doctor to be checked out.)

Most importantly, and I know it’s hard, try to get plenty of rest, nutrition and exercise, and manage your stress. All of these things are good for the brain and allow you to achieve optimum mental functionality.

A shower is also good for clearing the head! Writes Tammy Tibbetts in Ladies’ Home Journal (June 2007), "According to recent research, warm water running over your body can stimulate the outer layer of your skin, releasing molecules that ‘talk’ to your nerve endings. These molecules include beta-endorphins, which trigger brain activity." This stimulates your thinking power and problem-solving abilities!

So next time you can’t remember where you left your keys, or you can’t summon the words to formulate a thank-you note, hop into the shower and wait for a brainstorm!

I may be a parenting author, but I’m the first to admit that I’m not Supermom! (And if you read my book, "It’s Twins! Parent-to-Parent Advice from Infancy Through Adolescence," you’ll find plenty of examples of the chaos that exists in my life!) But, you know what? I’m perfectly happy to admit to my lack of perfection.

And I don’t think I’m alone in my feelings. I recently read an article about a web site called www.unsupermoms.com, which was started by Nicole Henry-Clark, a mom of four from New York.

According to the article, almost 900 mothers have joined her group. They’re tired of the pressure to do everything "right."

They’ve decided not to stress about the unmade beds, the Cheerios under the couch, and the fact that they let their children have ice cream for dinner once in a while. Sometimes you just have to relax and realize that perfection is unattainable and your family will be just fine.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I’ve been in plenty of houses that have just plain grossed me out. If my shoes stick to the floor and I get clumps of dog hair all over my behind when I sit on the sofa, then I think they’ve taken this Unsupermom thing a bit too far.

I once knew a mother who never folded or put away the laundry. She just pulled everything out of the dryer and dumped the contents in a big pile. Her family was invited to take their daily outfits out of the pile each day. Now that’s not relaxed parenting...that’s just plain lazy!

But there’s definitely a middle ground between the two extreme parenting styles. Cut yourself some slack when you fail your mother’s white-glove test or realize you’re never going to win the latest "Home Beautiful" contest.

The point is to look at the big picture. Are your children taken care of and happy? Is your house hygienic but homey? Do you generally accomplish all you need to get done? Is the stress you feel at a manageable level? If you answered yes to these questions, then you’re doing just fine.