Memoir of a Birth Mother

There are many books written by and for adoptive parents and adoptees, but what about the birth parents? Their experiences are often shrouded in mystery and, yes, suspicion.

Lynn Franklin, a well-known literary agent, published her memoir, May the Circle Be Unbroken: An Intimate Journey into the Heart of Adoption, hoping that her story would help provide new insights into the lives and struggles of birth parents and other members of the "adoption triad."

In a note written to Parent Soup members, she says, "As we open our hearts to a deeper understanding of one another's reality, we overcome our fears and experience a richer dimension of life."

Here, in this excerpt from her book, she recalls the days shortly after the birth of her son, who was about to be placed with an adoptive family

When I first saw him, feeling poured over me that I never could have anticipated while I was pregnant, never truly believing that a perfect person in miniature would miraculously appear from inside my womb. There was another teen in the bed next to me, and we sat together on our beds, holding the infants that would soon go home with someone else.

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We talked about their toes, their eyelashes, and their button mouths hollering for food. My mother and I both thought (my son) Andrew looked like my father.

When the nurse brought the babies back each morning, I continued to marvel at this new life. I held him close, I talked to him and told him how much I loved him. I tried to memorize his features and looked for distinguishing marks that I might recognize later. In the course of the five days I spent with Andrew, I did make one decision that made me, even for the briefest of moments, indisputably his mother.

It was routine in the hospital to ask parents if they wanted their sons circumcised, and when I made this decision for Andrew, I began to realize the enormity of the loss that lay ahead for me.

A Letter from a Korean Birth Mother to Her Child

From the book I Wish for You a Beautiful Life: Letters from the Korean Birth Mothers of Ae Ran Won to Their Children, edited by Sara Dorow, introduction by Mrs. Han, Sang-soon. For information on how to order I Wish for You a Beautiful Life, contact Yeong & Yeong Book Company.

"I will always live with you in my heart."

When I call your name I feel pain in my heart because you are so young and your adoptive parents may be the only people in your life right now. Even though I gave you life and gave you your name, I could not keep you because of hard circumstances beyond my control. I chose adoption for you despite the anguish that I feel and despite the fact that you may not understand why I did so.

I am very sorry. I can't help crying when I think of you and remember what you look like. I could have given you all the love you needed from the moment I gave you birth as your mother, but because of the circumstances I was in, we could only spend a short time together. Our relationship as mother and child, though I wanted it to continue, ended so quickly because I had no other choice.

When I first looked into your face I tried to see what features we had in common. Knowing that it would be our last time together, my heart ached because, as your mother, I could not do anything for you.

When I looked into your face I knew that I would never forget you until the day of my death. Placing you in the care of your adoptive parents was the most difficult thing for me, but when I think that they will provide you with happiness and that you will provide them with happiness as well, then I feel relieved.